


Stay With Me

by Lynn_Winchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst!Reader, F/M, Fluff, Romance, angst!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-03 23:44:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2892485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynn_Winchester/pseuds/Lynn_Winchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When everything falls apart, Dean looks for comfort in the one person he has left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay With Me

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy! I haven't written anything in awhile, so it might not be too great!  
> As always, please leave comments below!  
> This was going to be a one part thing, but if requested enough, I could continue it.
> 
> Sidenote: This is a bit AU, so if something seems different, it is because it is meant to be, not because I don't know what I am talking about. :P
> 
> ((I am not a huge fan of this work, so depending on the feedback, I may or may not delete it.))

You had been there since the beginning. You remembered riding along with Dean to pick up Sam from Stanford like it was yesterday. From the woman in white case, through Azazel and Alistair, all the way up to where you stood now. You were there when Ruby betrayed Sam. You were there when Cas brought Dean back from Hell, and fought through the Leviathan incident. Now it was all angels this, and demons that, and everything was getting much more complicated. Bobby was dead, and here Sam lay in a hospital bed, nearly dead due to the trials. These boys were your 'family', and they had been for a very long time. Seeing Sam this way was hard, but seeing the wreck that Dean was, proved to be worse. He tried to hide it of course, drowning himself in coffee and whiskey, pretending he was "fine", and just waiting for Sam to get up. You knew them both very well after all this time, and you knew it was a front, but at first you said nothing. 

You sat in the hospital room in your own corner, keeping an eye on both boys, wondering if Sam could even make it on his own. You had prayed to Castiel over and over and nothing, and as it appeared, he too had abandoned the group. Now, it was just you and Dean, with no one to turn to, and no way to help Sammy. That was the part that hurt. Here he was, helpless and defenseless, and there wasn't a damn thing you or Dean could do about it. No demon would take a deal. No angel answered Dean's call. Even Crowley had refused to lend any aid. Dean had begged Sam to wake up or give him a sign of some kind that he could hear him, but Sam never moved. He just lay still without even a fraction of a movement. 

Dean hadn't said a word since he muttered 'goodnight' to you the night before, and now it was nearly dinner time the following day. Nothing. He looked exhausted, worried, even...defeated. It broke your heart to look at him and not see the lively guy who had the world at his feet back when you had first met him. Back when he was traveling with John and nothing ever seemed wrong. Sure, he had changed a lot since then, especially after Hell and Purgatory, but underneath it all, he was still Dean. Occasionally, he would look down with his green eyes hiding a sparkle, and give this little smirk, and it was moments such as that, you could see the 'old Dean' peeking through. You missed him. He had never deserved any of this, none of you had, yet here you all were. 

"Dean?" Your voice was a bit quiet, clearing your throat a bit and glancing at him. He turned his tired eyes away from Sam's body, and looked over to you weakly, acknowledging that you had spoken, but saying nothing. You rose to your feet and stepped over toward him, resting the back of your hand onto Sam's forehead to check for a fever. He was alright, so you adjusted his blanket and sat on the edge of his bed, just in front of his elder brother. You looked him in the eyes and had a rather concerned expression on your face. "Dean...you need to eat something. Drink some water for once. Sleep a little. You are going to get sick if you keep doing this to yourself. Then what use will you be when Sam comes to, hmm?"

"I'm fine." Those were the words Dean chose to give you in his gruff undertone. You knew those words all to well, which meant the truth was the exact opposite. 

"No. You aren't. Every time you say you are 'fine', it really means you are just burying your problems. I know this is hard, it's no picnic for me either, but you can't do this Dean. Please, if you won't do it for yourself then at least do it for Sam. You know he wouldn't want you to sit here all sleep depraved, half starving to death, and nearly falling over from dehydration. If the roles were reversed, would you want him to do what you are doing?" 

Dean averted his eyes and looked to the floor, shaking his head a little, then looking back at Sam. 

"He was supposed to let me do the trials Y/N. He wasn't supposed to take it all on himself. It was my job to look after him and I failed. Again. We've had way more than our fair share of cheating Death...I don't know if he is going to come back from this." You leaned forward and gave Dean a short hug, telling him to hang tight while you went to get some food. You brought back take out, a few waters, and even a fresh baked apple pie. It warranted you a half smile from the elder Winchester, but it was short lived. For two straight weeks the two of you lived this way. Waiting. Wondering. Until finally, Sam began to flat line. 

The sound jolted both you and Dean awake, as nurses bustled around and a few doctors rushed to Sam's bedside, pushing Dean and yourself out of the room. 

"Sam! Sammy! No! Sammy don't quit on me! You can't quit now!" Dean shouted desperately at Sam's body until the doors were closed and locked so Dean couldn't get back in. He beat on the door till his knuckles bled, calling Sam's name, and begging him not to give up. The both of you paused when the rushing around stopped, and a solemn feeling washed over the room. They pronounced Sam dead. He was gone. The two of you stared in horror until Dean's legs buckled slowly, causing him to slide to his knees before the door, his fists pressed hard against the steel. You yourself just stared as the nurses covered Sam's face with a white sheet, and prepared to move him from the room. Your legs gave too, feeling an incredible weight on your chest, but realizing you couldn't lose it. Not here. Not now. Not when Dean had just lost his baby brother for the final time. 

Taking hold of Dean's shoulders, you turned him to face you, pulling him into your arms and letting him rest his forehead on the top of your shoulder. Neither of you had the words to speak, so instead, you both wept quietly, allowing the idea that out of everyone the two of you had ever known, all you had left was the other. Parents, siblings, family, friends, everyone, was all gone now. 

That happened three days ago. Now, all that was left was the bunker, though neither you nor Dean felt much like hunting after losing Sam. The two of you had been sitting in the library, trying to find some way to bring Sam back that hadn't already been done when the sound of wings filled the air. Dean had just stepped out to go to the kitchen, and there stood Castiel right behind you. Out of instinct, you pulled your angel blade and swiped it quickly across Cas' cheek, then punched him as hard as you could, causing the two of you to crash to the floor. He was in a very weakened state which made the fight fair, considering he had hardly any mojo left. 

"Y/N! Please! What are you doing!? It's me! It's Cas!" He plead to you as he rolled you over, trying to hold your raging fists back. 

"I know damn well it's you douchebag!" You shouted back at him in anger, flipping him back over and grabbing him by the shirt, getting up and slamming him into the wall behind you. With the angel blade pointed directly over his heart, you had him pinned, and he looked nothing short of confused. "Why did you abandon us!? Abandon Dean!? I thought you were better than that Cas! You turned your back on your family! How could you do that to Sam!?"

"Y/N...I am sure I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Oh stuff it Cas! We prayed to you for weeks! You can't tell me you didn't hear a single one! Dean is a freaking train wreck and here I am trying to keep it together all the time so he doesn't off himself from guilt!" Another look of confusion crossed Cas' eyes, honestly having no idea what you were saying. "Sam died three days ago because of those stupid trials, and we are pretty sure there is no coming back this time. We begged you...we begged you and any other angel that would listen to help him. We tried to make deals, and I even spoke to Crowley, and we walked away with nothing."

"I-I didn't know...my grace is failing. It's a struggle to even tap into angel radio right now...let alone hear prayers."

"Just get out Cas. I don't think Dean can handle seeing you without beating you senseless. Like I said, he is a mess, and he is going to be harder to fix this time around."

"But Ms. Y/N, you've always known what to do in such times. As far as I have observed, you are rather good when it comes to 'fixing' a broken Dean. Was it not you he turned to when I brought him back from Hell? Was it not you whom he sought out the moment he escaped Purgatory? As far as I have seen, you seem to be his comfort zone when he comes face to face with matters of this nature. Every time chaos occurs, it is you he seeks out." You thought on this for a moment, let Cas go, and looked away, down to the blade in your hand.

"I know that Cas. We met a very long time ago, and so far I am the only one who hasn't been taken away from him, betrayed him, or hurt him. It's sad to have to admit, but it's true."

"Even when he and Sam would argue and separate from each other's company, did you always side with Dean?" Cas took a seat and became interested in the topic, not having known much about Dean's life before Hell. 

"Yes, I did. Even when he was in the wrong, we would let Sam go his way, and we would go ours. Trust me, we've had our arguments, but never anything we couldn't forgive the other for later. Dean is a very complicated person to explain, but he is easy for me to understand after all this time. This one is a big deal Cas. I can't fix this for him, not like some trivial argument. This is a permanent death. He can't come back."

"I can hear whispers if I focus hard enough on the angel radio...somehow...Sam has made it into Heaven. I am going to go check, just to be sure." You nodded, half relieved to know Sam wasn't in Hell again, when Cas turned back to face you. "Y/N? Might I ask you another question?"

"Sure...what is it?"

"What does it feel like? When you look at Dean in this state of sadness I mean."

"It feels...hollow. Like a big, heavy, emptiness that grows from the pit of my stomach and rises into my chest. He didn't deserve this, and I know he is being consumed by guilt and darkness. I look at him from across the table and I want to burst into tears like a baby. I remember what it was like back when we just crisscrossed the country hunting vengeful spirits and rugaru monsters, whatever we could find, while we looked for John..." Tears lined your eyes as you stared into the distance, recalling the memories, and making things much harder, but you continued.

"He used to smile back then. He laughed so much, and there was never a dull moment, considering his sass was unparallelled...nothing could bring him down and I looked up to him so much, unable to see how a life that had been dealt such a shitty hand could be so bright. Over time, that light began to fade, the worse this world became, the darker he got, because we don't stand a chance anymore. We know that, we just can't say it. We've had everything taken from us."

"Everything except each other as it appears." Cas corrected, taking a step toward you. "I believe the both of you care more about the other, more than you wish to convey. Perhaps you both feel if you act on your feelings, then something will come along to ruin it. Much like Sam with Jess, or even...myself with Meg. If you remain apart, then you can't be used against the other, but if you come together, you become the other's biggest strength, and greatest weakness. I apologize if I am speaking too boldly, I am just attempting to understand human emotion is all. Nothing more."

There was a silence that filled the room as tears streaked down your cheeks quietly. Cas had nailed it on the head. You would have told Dean years ago how you felt, but that fear of him being taken from you always kept you quiet about it. Castiel glanced back to you and tilted his head to the side, looking you over until you glanced up to return his stare.

"What?" You asked this as you sniffled a bit, wiping at your cheeks.

"You love him. Don't you?" His question sounded more like a statement, and considering you had never said it out loud, you instantly felt vulnerable, and a bit defensive. 

"Of course I do. Him, and Sam, Bobby, Ellen, Garth...they are all-"

"No. You loved everyone yes, but Dean specifically...the love you have for him is different. Is it not?" Cas was prodding, but it was working, and you couldn't help but want to accept it. "You loved everyone, but you are in love with Dean."

Tears spilled over your cheeks again, and you stood up, leaving the blade, and going to your room, refusing to answer the angel. What you hadn't known was just how much of that Dean had heard. Cas vanished to check on Sam, and after a few hours, a light knock came at your door. Expecting it to be Cas, you rolled over in your bed and called for whomever to 'enter', a bit surprised to see Dean there. He looked a mess, tired eyes, and it even looked as though he himself might have been crying earlier. 

"Hey." You said lamely, moving to sit up a little. 

"Hey...do you mind if I talk to you for a second?" You gave him a half smile and waved him in, watching as he closed the door behind him and approached your bed. You offered him a spot, so he sat on the edge, turning to look at you and taking a moment to think before he spoke. "I heard a little of your conversation with Cas, and you mentioned what I was like before...back when you met me."

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to have you hear any of that...I was just so upset with Cas and he asked me a question-" Dean interrupted then, shaking his head and speaking again. 

"It's okay. I was just thinking about it, and you said I was 'bright' and talked about how good things were back then. So I guess my question is...do you think that guy is gone forever? The one I was then."

"No." You answered confidently, keeping eye contact, and searching his face. "I see him from time to time. Behind all the guilt, all the regret, all the mistakes, and all the bullshit, he is still there. I see him in those tiny moments when you smirk at someone and I hear him when you come up with some snarky comment. You will always be you, and no matter what anyone says or does to you, that will never change. I am always going to see that guy that came into my room, guns blazing, and carrying me bridal style out my bedroom window."

"Oh God...you remember that?" Dean looked a bit embarrassed, but half smiled at the floor.

"Of course I do. Azazel lit my house on fire after my dad screwed up his hunt and led the bastard right back home. You and John showed up and while he took on yellow eyes, you came in like some kind of gunslinger in a halo of holy fire. Azazel had tossed me into my full length mirror and had me sliced up pretty good. I remember you picked me up and took me out the window just a few seconds before my room went into a full blaze. I passed out and woke up a few hours later in a dirty motel room. It was just you and me, and you were pulling the glass from my arm. I should have been scared, but I wasn't, not at all. You told me I was safe and I believed you...I still believe that."

Dean looked down to the floor remembering the day and nodding as he recalled the memories. "I told you everything was gonna be okay, then dad came in and told us he couldn't save your parents, and they had died before he could get to them. Made me look bad right off the bat. Thanks dad." The sarcasm in Dean's voice was funny, as the two of you chuckled a little. Another comfortable silence filled the room and after a few moments, Dean turned to look at you again. "I had better try to get some sleep..."

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you stay with me?" Dean glanced over to you, his brow a bit furrowed. 

"Sure, but why? Any specific reason?"

"Because you need it just as much as I do. I know you Dean Winchester, and being alone is not where you really want to be. We both know that, and I don't want to be alone either." Dean swallowed hard and looked to the floor, rubbing the back of his neck with a bit of a nod. You were right, and he knew it. He took off his shoes and his belt, saying he would be back, and leaving the room. When he returned, he wore his boxers and turned out the lights, crawling into your bed and laying on your right hand side. You rolled over and tucked yourself into his side, resting your head on his shoulder, wearing your panties and a tee shirt. 

With your free left hand, you traced invisible, light, lines up and down his right arm, crossing over his chest before Dean half smiled and did the same with his right hand over the small of your back. 

"Do you remember how bad Sammy hated it when we would sleep like this in motel rooms? He always thought it was so awkward that we were barely dressed and sleeping in the same bed with him right there...poor kid." A chuckle escaped him, and you giggled, remembering just how weird Sam got in these situations, and Dean looked down at you then. "I never thought it was awkward. Did you?"

"Nope. There weren't many nights since you and John saved me that we haven't slept next to each other...until we landed in the bunker of course. Then we just kind of, didn't anymore." Your tone grew a bit sad and Dean took note of it. 

"I thought you'd like your own room." He stated this easily, being genuine. 

"I do, but I've just shared confining spaces with you and Sam for so long that it just feels...empty. If we weren't in the impala then we were all sharing a motel room so I got used to both of you being there all the time. I always shared my bed with you then we came here and all of a sudden you were gone."

"I didn't think my being 'gone' would bother you. Or anyone else for that matter." There was a sadness in his tone, and that was the moment you realized Cas had been right. Dean didn't believe he deserved to be saved. He didn't think he was worthy of having people care about him. You sat up, propped on your elbow, brow furrowed, as your free left hand moved from Dean's arm to the side of his face, grazing your fingers lightly over his jawline. 

"You don't even know what kind of impact you have on people around you, do you? I might not be able to speak for anyone else, but I can speak for myself, and without you, I would have been dead a long time ago. You've saved me in so many ways Dean, and I am never going to be able to thank you enough, or do anything to make it up to you. I just wish you could see that even though things are so dark and it feels like I am drowning, that I can look at you and feel like I can breathe again. Even right now. You make a difference, you just have to see it. So don't you ever think that I could be better off without you because I can't."

"You could make it without me Y/N..."

"Yeah, but I don't want to." 

Your eyes locked on the other for a moment. You had just spit his own words back at him. He had said it to Sam a very long time ago, and this was no different. You had given him a window to look through and he immediately knew exactly how you felt. Dean clenched his jaw and looked away for a second as his eyes glassed over a bit with a few tears. It was rare for someone to make him feel like he was important, needed, or even wanted, so finally seeing it, and really hearing you, he understood, and looked back at you. 

"I'm not good for you Y/N. We both know that."

"Good for me or not. It doesn't change how I feel..."

"What did you say to Cas? Right before you left the room, he asked you a question, and I didn't hear you answer."

"I didn't want to say it out loud...so I didn't answer." 

"Because you were ashamed of your answer?"

"Because I didn't want Cas to be the first one to hear me finally say that I am in love with you, out loud, for the first time. I wanted to say it to you...not to someone else."

Another silence filled the room and tears were spilling quietly over your cheeks, as his threatened to fall as well. 

"Y/N...I've loved you since I picked you up off that floor, and carried you out that window. I just wanted you to be safe, so I never told you. Pretty stupid huh?" The both of you smiled through your teary faces, wiping at the other's cheeks, and feeling rather silly for getting so emotional on the matter. 

Instead of answering out loud, you simply shook your head and rested your forehead against his for a few moments. He rested his hands along your sides while yours rested on either side of his face, both of you just taking in the moment, basking in the feeling of having finally admitted such deep feelings for the other, and neither one had rejected the other. You sat up slightly, and just as your foreheads quit touching, Dean moved his hand from your side, and rested it on your cheek, coaxing you toward him gently. You were happy to oblige, leaning forward, and for the first time in all these years, your lips met, and it was just as mind blowing as you had imagined it would be. His hands tracing over your skin as he held you close, moving his lips against yours while you melted at the thought.

When you parted, your cheeks flushed red a bit as you nestled yourself back into his arms, and both of you curled up with the other. Simple, easy, and for a moment, for one fleeting, brief instance, nothing else mattered aside from you and Dean.


End file.
